Remember to Slow Down

I decided that today just was not going to be a good day.

So overwhelmed with failure and rejection, i tried to power through but its not even noon and I've already been near tears... twice.

as i was laying in breath fighting off a panic attack which i haven't had in a good minute...

i realized that MY source of anxiety is always the same.

I need to slow down. i need to relax. I need to let reality be reality.

I get overwhelmed by my failure not because rejection hurts but because success isn't coming fast enough. because every move i have ever made has been in anticipation that “THIS ONE IS IT!”...

Ive been rejected and forgotten and cast aside my whole, entire life... that shit truly doesn't bother me [much] anymore...

What bothers me is how slow life seems to be manifesting my desires.

I work. I wait. I push. I attract. i work and work some more.

I fall and I try again. I am always trying again.

I have tried EVERYTHING imaginable to create the life i want to live. 

and since none of it works, I get frustrated and anxious and overwhelmed...

but if i just remember to slow down, if I just remember to not rush, if I just remember to let reality be reality and allow things to flow naturally forward in whatever way they like...

my soul will be at peace.

Today isn't a bad day... it's just not a day of working. It's not a day of pushing, it's not a day of fighting. It's not a day for Big Dreams.

Today, is a day where I mix a drink (Thnx Rach), watch Netflix while I cook, eat a bunch of home made Thai food and do some laundry...

and that is ok.