When asked why I haven't been doing much work in the past couple weeks and where has my motivation gone, my response, which is true, was that I just wanted to have some fun.
The weather has been great. My allergies stayed home this spring... So far anyway and I just feel good. My headspace is clear and my overall mood is... Good. I just want to have some fun.
However comma, I think that maybe, while my desire to throw caution to the wind is very valid and very true, a deeper reason is that I am tired. I am weary. I am worn.
I'm tired from dragging my dreams up a mountain side while dodging as anvils drop from the sky.
I'm tries from having to explain "no, I don't have a job. Yes, I work everyday... no I'm not being lazy i am chasing after more than money..."
I'm tired from having to fight off the thoughts that come in moment by moment swarming around my head that scream: "why not me? When's my turn? What did I do to deserve this?"
And none of this to say, I want to give up, those days are long gone. I'm am a dreamer and as long as my heart keeps pumping dreams into my soul like blood through my veins, I will try and fight and dream again. every time.
But for today I am weary, and I just want to take a vacation from the rejection and from the unfruitful labor, from being hunted by a bloodhound called mediocrity.
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